Recently I’ve been spending a lot more time coaching guys on how to meet women. When I first embarked on this endeavor, I expected to be met with students willing to do anything to meet women. I understood they would have hesitations in doing certain things like approaching groups of women, but these were fears to overcome and part of the loosely structured program I had in my head. What I found was that most guys I wanted to help were more insecure than I had thought. On the other side of things most guys willing to be students were more mechanical than I ever could have imagined. There were guys who were malleable and they were ultimately very successful but this was the minority. This experience taught me that a) my style of teach is not for everyone b) a lot of guys are doing it all wrong but unwilling to change, and c) even guys listening to the ques weren’t making the concepts their own.
So first, let’s get to the guys unwilling to change. There are several archetypes that fall into this trap and I was surprised by just how many guys I’ve met are this way. At it’s core it comes down to insecurity. If you are insecure inside, this can manifest itself a number of ways on the outside but within this realm it always means that you will find an excuse to not listen to my coaching. At first this was very frustrating to me, but over time I’ve come to understand these guys a little better and do some preemptive “openness testing” to decipher whether they are even teachable to begin with. If you suspect that you may fall into this category yourself, then your best first course of action is not to seek out a dating coach! Your first step should be to start reading and get some basic concepts down and try them out on your own. Since no one is going to reach you, maybe you will reach you. If you succeed then great, but if you don’t then you can go to a dating coach with some humility before getting started.
The next kind of guys I was having issues with are the robots. You listen too well. It’s like I gave you a linear progression of how all conversations go and you are just waiting for girls to say certain things so you can say the next line in your progression. It’s okay to be analytical and even learn to anticipate things but women can sniff this out long before you can. It comes off as disingenuous. When you take the time to understand the concepts of what goes on during the attraction phase and have a fundamental knowledge of what’s going on before you learn what to say, then you can start practicing with the end game of “getting to know more people” and the byproduct of this is getting laid more often.
When I see guys come into the bar trying to “peacock” and look like a douche to get attention then immediately turn into bumbling idiots once they receive it, it shows me that he hasn’t taken the time to get the concepts down. You don’t want to draw attention to yourself, but then you want to increase the comfort within the conversation as time goes on. If you are representing a person that is nothing like you, then get a girl attracted to that representation… you are shooting yourself in the foot. You have now attracted someone you are less likely to be compatible with and you are about to disappoint her and lose confidence in yourself.
The important thing is to listen to your dating coach and stay open-minded to new ideas. Once you’ve had some practice then it’s usually a matter of keeping the confidence up to meet new people ever time you go out. Be nice, be confident, have fun, and always enjoy yourself.